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seeking meaning

(IN-SANITY)

wishes-uh

i breath, at least i try to…smoke and drink but the void, too strong i always sink… unfamiliar with love, that’s something heavy on my mind for i grew up thinking, seeking but till now no answers, i wonder how it is for other people. i know things are loud and heavy so i always slow myself down. i need all the help i can get, i cry for sanity.

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Still Searching

seaching-it

I still have the fear of leaving, i cry to the pain caused by the demons, i plead cause i want freedom, but they never hear me so I’m still leaving as i did yesterday.

By now you should have known that not everything that shines is the sun, even the nightmares have a melody now.

All i asked for,ask for and will ask for is a peace of mind, so every single day i stretch out for the clouds, I’m surely only seeking for meaning for my living.

Why am i depressed they once asked? childish it is they say, for in my culture depressions is weakness.

I have no answers, this i said before, for i as a being as such, i am searching for them.

For if i ever found them, you surely be the first to know.

what’s the world today like?

depressed-person

I find it hard sometimes to just see something and not think about it, in other words, I think too much.

in a way, I feel as though not too many people my age are actually spending time thinking about the world and all its interactions.

anyway, I feel for some reason that almost the whole world is depressed.

How many writers talk about death and suffering? about wishes and a better place?

I for a fact also get so consumed by my mind that I forget that I am actually living. I get drawn by things like why are some people sad and why am I not happy right now? Or even though I am laughing now, I know it won’t last a minute, in fact, is it real?

Truth of the matter is, some event here or there did not just turn out the way we planned or imagined.

As some would call it karma.

Engaged to the affairs of your mind, you ask yourself…why me? what did I ever do to deserve such an event in my life? what went wrong?

To be honest, not even I is able to give answers to those which we ask. For if I had all the answers, surely I would not at all be here.

 

 

HIDE

FAKE SMILE.jpg

love that has never been felt for the pain is great.

Tears are never dried for the tissue is wet.

lies never stop for some desires are great.

Fake smiles I’ve mastered, that’s my favorite mask.

BLUR

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I cannot see, perhaps I am blinded by the words of men and the snakes that wish to draw me away from the living.

I’m suffocating from the shallow mindsets and views of the world, unwise debates and stories based on false judgment.

I might be able to breathe again but it’s every evening when the world is misled by words.

 

 

CHOICE?

hxoghagctda-aron-van-de-pol

I feel uncomfortable, my heart pumps harder and my blood gets hot.  I can feel my fingers tingling.

I wish it was all A B C D, but life is a mess, almost the whole world is depressed.

So I’m running toward the truth-seeking part of life, trying to acquire as much knowledge as I can. So to help those who are stuck in the queue of thinking, anxiously waiting for answers.

I build to build, write to share, ”for the little you have could be a huge thing to another”

while others speak of demons, well we all have dark days lets just not go astray and forget our way.

We can all look back and admit that we have come a long way.

But to where are we headed?

You have to know what you’re stretching your hands for before you try to get it.

Otherwise, it might be a deadly poison you feed your soul.

wishes

wishes-uh 

 Its every single day when i wake, but to what? if pain is not felt in my sleep i want to stay down that path forever.

My reasoning is not special whatsoever. I wish only these human minds would find understanding for my writings. I wish i could understand my thoughts.

It is to why i place them here, to get help and listen to the views of others.

untitled

dna-life

i feel empty, as though its just the skin i own, no heart no lungs nothing, not even a bone.i feel so weak like I’ve nothing such as strength.

i feel its about time, i let go of all heavy things. i can’t take no more.

they say life shapes you,  others say the people around you shape you, i understand not a thing of this world, this i’m sure i do not belong here.

i was told to get an education, make money, always trust in God and live happily.

But wait, i know people who are not educated but still happy, people who make money without having completed high school, people who trust in God but do not live happily.

so is there some sort of pattern to how we’re supposed to live life? is there an actual way we should live life?, i think not. I think such things do not exist and even centuries to come, not a single pattern will be said that it is the way to live life.

Life is not how you plan it to be, Life is not how we wish it could be, Life is not based on how our childhood was, or how we spent our time as teenagers, No..

it is something much deeper. Only God knows what it is, doesn’t matter what science, religious belief whatsoever. Life is an art of God, there’s is not any better way  to describe it.

Pain or Gain

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It’s not always sunshine and and icecream .
sometimes it’s cloudy with icebergs.
In Yourself love should flow. In tough moments the light will show,follow you shall know even before those with you.
Naturally they don’t like you, Its the idol’s around that don’t even concern you. But who could blame you? You chose a different path and those not are your enemy.
Peace is a gift but a wish rarely granted. Thieves are solid, hope and Luck do not exist they live by chance and pray they stole big. Shoot one in the head; You killed a son,a brother maybe a Father. You’re happy your jewels were not stolen,they are in sorrow the mates life just ended.
The balance of life is somewhat funny.
You kill to eat. Eat to survive.
Don’t you just feel like somehow you’re also just a prey?
After all, It’s the balance of the world.

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